[This was an idea Ryan had that just didn't quite pan out but I wrote on it anyway without going too far into detail since I wasn't sure what kind of angle I would end up using... so I just kept all 3, I plan on doing individual articles on Ma on Brooks as they are both sources of excellent info]
"If I had some duct tape, I could fix this." - Macgyver
Your worst fear has come true. The dead have risen. The TV is buzzing with reports of attacks and telling you to destroy the brain. The sirens and screams are getting louder. Suddenly there's a slow incessant pounding on your door.
The dead are here.
You've got less than a minute before they break down your door and are after you. Quickly you grab whatever is lying around the house in order to defend yourself. These few seconds are all that stand between you and a grisly death, make them count!
Most of the time when asked what they would do if an apocalyptic situation involving zombies were to arise, most people will state something about getting their chainsaw and their favorite boomstick and going to town. While this worked in the Evil Dead films even Bruce Campbell is noted to regard the significant weight to wielding a chainsaw.
Too often people are lulled by creature comforts or modern luxury. Certain shortages of supplies are often considered in disaster situations: food, water, medicine but rarely is ammunition considered. Since the discovery of gunpowder by the Chinese to repel invading Mongols, modern warfare has never been the same. As a society and a species we are too reliant upon guns to solve our problems both domestically and internationally. But what if there was suddenly no ammunition left to be had? Where would that leave you? Do you know how to manufacture your own bullets? Do you have the tools? The time? The technical know-how? If so, then you have a leg up on the rest of the populace and a bit of an advantage. For the rest of us poor sods, we need to learn to make the best out of what we have on hand. This is where weapon improvisation can be a life saving skill if properly utilized. Break out the duct tape!
So in your one minute rampage to grab various odds and ends to craft your zombie eliminating weapon of doom, you remembered to grab something to hold it together with right? I mean the last thing you need is for your spearhead to fall off before trying to impale a zombie (and no that’s not a euphemism for necrophilia, perv).
Chuck Green of Capcom’s Dead Rising 2 is the ultimate Macgyver master of duct tape ingenuity. Give this motor cross handyman any number of random items and it will be a guaranteed zombie killer. From the dead simple, a spiked baseball bat, to the brutally efficient, a vacuum cleaner mounted with saw blades or a motorcycle loaded with chainsaws. The game is probably a shining example of what not to do in real life, but then again what video game isn’t? But that’s not the point, the point is to get creative and kill zombies in the most imaginative ways possible (I’d like a pitchfork-mounted shotgun if I thought I could get away with it in the real world!). Get creative! Have fun with it! If you screw up, hey there’s the reset button for a reason. Enjoy it! For if there is ever such an outbreak you’d best remember: The game is your life, if you die its game over man.
Author Max Brooks goes into extensive weapons detailing in his book Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead. He makes special note that you want something light, portable and sharp and to go for straight edges as well since serrations have a tendency of getting caught in flesh at inopportune moments. Guns cause noise, noise draws attention, attention gets you killed so silence is a key factor. Katanas, crowbars and machetes are usually considered for their effectiveness and reliability. The key to any tool is knowing how to handle and use it.
Roger Ma takes some of the key points set out by Max Brooks and runs even further with them. Have you considered your exact point of attack on a zombie? Sure hit it in the head, but are you sure you'll make a killshot or will your weapon just get stuck? Consider improvised weapons before trying to find a replica of a classic. Take for example the handy dandy sidewalk scraper at your local hardware store over the shiny lethal looking sword from the mall cutlery store, which do you think will be more effective? Read Roger Ma's Zombie Combat Manual to find out valuable info!
So if you don't own either of these books, what are you waiting for? Go get them now! Your survival of the zombie apocalypse may depend on it!
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