11 June 2015

When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth: Carnosaur Trilogy - Part II and III

First: This heart warming and harrowing trailer for Carnosaur 2 Ha!

In the words of the AVGN:
"Oh yeah 'Back for another bite' alright...
of the shit sandwich!"
After Jurassic Park came the ripoffs in order to try and cash in and make a buck. This 1995 sequel attempts to tie into the original storyline.
All's quiet at the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste facility until one night a Velociraptor wanders into the mess hall and makes a mess out of the hall and slaughters the staff (they had to follow Jurassic Park Protocol; Raptors were 'In', Deinonychus were so last year).

A ragtag repair crew is called into the repository after losing contact with the facility (hmm sounds familiar). This time however they are going in with douchey Company Man Major Tom McQuadeas a leader of the operation, complete with his lame looking vest (now where have I seen that before...?)

"Hey don't blame me it was the 80's!"
The enter the dead facility and find it completely torn to shreds and no sign of the crew or workers. They happen upon a lone survivor, a kid. Shellshocked beyond belief indicating some fucked up shit happened.

whoops wrong kid

Then later, dinosaurs happen and all hell breaks loose. We find out the facility somehow housed some of the eggs made by resident cuckoo Dr. Jane Tiptree (the dino-planetarian from the first film) and everyone forgot about them until it was too late. Raptors go boom. Everyone dies. Except for the kid and our hero of the movie. End of ripoff.

That look you get when you realize...
you're going to have to try to live through the rest of this Aliens ripoff...
standing next to this guy

Drive in Totals
-24 dead bodies

-Flare gun-fu
-Arm-wrenching terror
-Dynamite Dino Deterrent
-Another forklift vs T-Rex showdown... again ripped straight from Aliens... complete with being shoved down an elevator shaft

** stars for being a brazen Aliens ripoff and not even a good one
Roll it:

Part III Primal Species is by far the absolute worst of them all. Not enough good enough to warrant me putting in the effort of giving it it's own entry. Terrorists thinking they're stealing a truckload of uranium are surprised as fuck to find the last 3 living dinosaurs in existence. Again, all sorts of dinosaurian hell break loose. The dinos eat a few heads and rip a few limbs before it all goes boom once more.

By the 3rd movie we're on the rate of most SyFy movies these days. Kills are quick and messy done in a photo negative effect to show the Velciraptors POV wear out by the end of the 3rd attack. Theres lots of dramatic splashing and squirting of fake blood (in nice neat little sprays at that), that look a little too perfect. In the thrilling conclusion the T-rex pins our intrepid heroes in a shipping container as time is ticking out before on the ship's self destruct before a well-timed explosive down the throat a la Jaws puts him back on the extinct list. The dinosaurs look rubbery and fake as hell, which normally wouldn't be such a bad thing but the end of the series it's almost like they don't even care.
Yeah even the T-Rex is questioning his casting choice in this movie
Drive in totals:

*1/2 stars
-23 Dead bodies
-um... yeah i got nothing else... this one is bad

Roll it

...but they didn't stop there. No no, they went on and did a 4th movie entitled Raptor that went into even deeper obscurity after it's release... it's bad when you ripoff the ripoff for another ripoff... even reusing the artwork

Have I seen it or bother trying to track it down to review? Hell no. I could only find it in French on YouTube. The trailer shows so much footage from the original movies it's just horrible

So with these new-age gems out of the way... time for something a bit older and a bit more entertaining. Cheers all. Until next time.


  1. Haha I love these awful movies especially Carnosaur II because it's such a blatant ripoff of Aliens but with dinosaurs. The only one I really, really hate is Raptor because all the dinosaur footage is from the first Carnosaur. They literally just filmed boring new people scenes and then cut to the old dinosaur footage. I really want to make a bloody practical-FX dinosaur movie one day.

    1. What I didn't even realize until the time of writing how much they WERE the exact same movie, of course I never thought about it until then really.
      I've got some friends working on a practical FX Godzilla movie currently, looks absolutely badass

  2. And that Carnosaur 2 trailer is pure gold.